Saturday, 21 April 2012

More and more scandals, less and less news

David Cameron's father avoided tax! Who would've guessed? The latest Guardian exclusive reveals how £300,000 of David's inheritance was obtained through legal but morally dubious means!

I can't help but feeling that this story is completely trivial, that no one actually cares particularly about Cameron's tax affairs, especially if they're legal. I know Cameron is Prime Minister and has to set a good example and all that, but this is about his father's misbehaviour, not his. If we end up asking David to apologise for what his father did decades ago, we become no better than the idiot who asked Richard Dawkins to apologise for his ancestors' involvement in the slave trade.

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

The Second Coming

Jesus returns in 2012 and meets the Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, for a lengthy conversation.

Jesus pops his head around a heavy oak door. “Hello?” He has a very cockney accent.

“Wha...This is a private room! Who gave you the authority to-“

“Authority!? Private!? Who do you think you are? The son of God?” Jesus winks at John, and smiles cheesily. His teeth glisten in the midday sun, a sparkle of realisation alights John’s eyes.

“Oh Christ!”

“Call me Jesus,” he vigorously shakes the Archbishop’s hand, “and I’ll call you... What’s your name?”

Monday, 9 April 2012

One thing Trenton Oldfield did right

Trenton Oldfield attacks the elitists

Everyone thinks Trenton Oldfield is an idiot, it seems. Even amongst Guardian readers – those you might expect to be sympathetic – 77% thought “he spoilt a nice day out and alienated millions”. His main problem is that, in truth, he has no idea what he's talking about. “Elitism leads to tyranny,” he says. No, dear. The Neoliberal agenda leads to tyranny; elitism just leads to the “elite” and “non-elite” not liking each other very much.